I'm so depressed. I'm tired of this. I want to be happy again. And yet, the block may be that I'd rather stay sad and keep hoping that he'll come back than let it go and be happy on my own. I want to be happy, and I know he wronged me terribly and I know he may not come back in this life, but I was so sure. I was so certain that he was the one. In a way, I still am, and that's probably part of the problem. I'm so sad. I wish things were different. I wish he and I were both happy. It hurts me even more that he lives his life in pain and wouldn't let me help either, not that there's much I could've done but at least I try. I love him so much, I just hate this. It's been twice to three times the amount of time that we were together since we broke up and I don't feel much better than I did after the first month. This is horrible. Why is it like this? Why am I in so much pain? Why am I still in so much pain? Why can't this all just end. Sometimes I want everything to be over so I can get a moment's relief. This pain is so persistent it makes the body go numb with its ever-constant pressure. I wish it would leave. I wish it would let up, just for a moment. Just long enough to feel relief and remember what it feels like to be happy and carefree and remember what it feels like to not feel like this and bring me back hope that this will all end. I can't take this anymore. I want it to be gone. I want it to be done with. And I know that there's so much more to my life than this, but even when I was out west this was still pushing on me constantly. It's like having an open wound that never heals, a wound that, regardless of how amazing what I'm doing is and how great a time I'm having is still at the back of my mind and is still draining me as I slowly bleed out. This is too hard. I want it to be over. I can't take this anymore. I just can't.

Most of the time I just want to break down, I just want to cry and let it all out. But it won't come out, I can't seem to make it come out. I want to cry, I want it out of me, I want this feral demon tearing me apart from the inside to bubble out of my body, but it won't let go it's grip on my insides, in won't allow me to cry it out. I want it out so bad, I want to cry so bad, and yet, I haven't been able to...yet.

Wow, it's been over a year since I posted here. So much has changed.

THE HONEST SECTION

Honestly, what are you doing right now?: filling out this survey.
Honestly, have you done something bad today?: Yes
Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?: If by disney you mean family, yes on occassion
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: Melanie B
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: Yes
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: people, how they treat the world and it's inhabitants (human or non)
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: Yes
Honestly, do you have a friend you don't really like?: Yes, I'll be friends with anyone who wants to talk with me.


THE CAN SECTION

Can you blow a bubble?: Gum bubble? Yes
Can you dance?: Yes
Can you do a cart wheel?: Yes
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: I wish, that'd be a pretty hot talent.
Can you touch your toes?: Yes
Can you whistle?: Yes
Can you wiggle your ears?: Yes
Can you wiggle your nose?: Yes
Can you roll your tongue?: Yes
Can you make a clover with your tongue?: No :(

THE ANGER SECTION

What do you do when you’re mad?: Listen to angry music.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: Can't think of something, I tend to bottle my anger (aside from when its a specific person being stupid)
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: Probably
Do you swear when you’re mad?: Sometimes

THE TEAR SECTION

Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: Yes
Ever cried over the same sex?: No
Do you cry when you get an injury?: No
Do certain songs make you cry?: No
Do certain movies make you cry?: No

THE HAPPY SECTION

Are you usually a happy person?: I go through phases
What makes you the happiest?: Being with a person I truly love
Does being with your friends make you happy?: Yes
Do you believe in yourself?: Yes
Do you wish you were happier?: Depends on my mood, right now I do
Is being happy overrated?: not really
Can music make you happy?: edit: Can music produce synthetic happiness? Yes

THE LOVE SECTION

How many times have you had your heart broken?: 2 or 3, but one main one
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them?: Yes
Has anyone besides your friends/family ever said ‘I love you’ to you?: Yes


THE HATE SECTION

Do you actually hate anyone?: No
Ever made a hit list?: Maybe when I was younger, I don't remember
Have you ever been on a hit list?: Yes
Are you a mean bully?: No, I'm a docile bully? :S

THE SELF-ESTEEM SECTION

Is your self-esteem extremely low?: No
Are you good looking?: Yes
Do you wish you could be someone else?: Sometimes

THE PHYSICAL SECTION

What is your current hair color?: naturally brown with a bit of highlights. Right now, still mostly brown, but kind of reddish because of hair die without bleaching first
Current piercings: lobes X 2, helix
Have any tattoos?: Not yet
Straight hair or curly?: Straight at this length, any longer and the retard wave comes in
What shirt are you wearing?: A pajama tank top
Pants: Pajama pants
Shoes: None
Necklace: Silver chain with a silver pentacle pendant that has a crescent moon on part of it made of what looks like vines.


THE HAVE YOU EVER SECTION

Hugged someone: I'm not even going to validate this question with an answer.
Been on the phone until the sun came up?: Yes
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: Unfortunately
Laughed so hard you cried?: Yes
Got in a fight with someone?: Yes

THE LASTS SECTION

Person you talked to in person:Melanie B
Person you talked to online: Zack from MWSR
Person you talked to on the phone: See above (this has already been asked)
Person you hugged: Melanie B

THE RANDOM SECTION

Do you like surveys?: Sometimes
Do you have mental breakdowns?: Rarely, but yes on occassion

THE CURRENT SECTION

Current mood: Depressed
Current music: none
Current thing I ought to be doing: Extended Essay
Current windows open: this, msn, undertheyewtree chat room
Current desktop picture: a picture I took of the pod of orcas I saw in the arctic
Current book: The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (I'm not kidding)


THE DID SECTION

Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?: no, it's all girls
Did you ever run away from home?: Sort of, I intended on coming back at some point, only so that my parents would continue to pay me through school, but I really didn't want to go back. I walked out of the house with just what I had on, my wallet and my music, and I didn't come back for 2 days.

THE DO SECTION

Do you know how to swim?:Yes
Do you like roller coasters?: Yes
Do you own a bike?: Yes
Do you think you could eat the stuff on those reality shows?: Yes (other than when they eat bugs)

THE DOES SECTION

Does hair loss run in your family at all?: No
Does your car get good gas mileage?: I don't have one nor can I drive
Does your family have family picnics?: No

THE HAVE SECTION

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Yes
Have you ever painted your nails?: Yes

THE HOW SECTION

How did you find out about Facebook?: School (everyone was on it 24/7)
How many people are on your friend’s list?: 398
How many of them have you met in person?: 395 I think
How tall are you?: 5'3"
How much money do you have on you right now?: I don't know

THE LASTS SECTION AGAIN

Last person you hung out with?: Melanie B, Katrina and their friend Holly (Mel is visiting from Ireland right now)
Last thing someone said to you?: "definitely a good night"
Last time you slept in all morning? This morning
Last thing you said out loud?: Yesterday
Last thing you ate?: microwave grilled vegetable lasagna

THE WHAT SECTION

What are you listening to?CSI is on the tele
What is the weather outside?: Gray
What radio station do you listen to?: Q107, 102.1 The Edge
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Sushi2Go
What was the last thing you had to drink?: tap water
What was the last movie you watched?: Legends of the Fall

THE WHO SECTION

Who is your newest friend you added to Facebook?: Mila (I'm not gonna bother with her last name it's long and Russian)
Who was the last person you IM’ed? Zack from MWSR
Who was the last person you took pictures with?: Melanie B
Who has your heart?: Someone who isn't ready to have it
Who was the last person you said 'I love you' to?: Melanie B (platonically)

blarg. My friends all moved off of lj and onto xanga, and I want to join them all but I'm not willing to pay fees to have it not be plain white. So I'm sticking with livejournal. SO yeah, it's been a while, I have to read Great Expectations (which sux ass) as well as write a research essay on William Wallace which would be fine if my local library had any info on him. Such is why I spent 2 hours in the library searching through books about Edward the first hoping for references to William Wallace, and why I came home after 2 hours with one book on william wallace, one book on edward the first that I was too lazy to scan through for references while in the library and 3 photocopied pages. Also it has been 5 and a half months since I started dating my bf and 3 weeks since I've seen him :( He FINALLY decided to try to do well in school and now he's working like a dog and doesn't have time to see me. God I miss him.

dum dee dum dum dum, I am so happy. I love my boyfriend. He is so cute. IT'S BEEN 4 MONTHS! YAY! Also I'm half watching the academy awards, I'm very very sleepy, and I think I will have to call his house soon because he's not on msn! (grr)Yup that's my story. see ya later!

Wow my last entry was soooooo long ago, I don't even want to type out everything that's happened since then because too much has happened. But the most important thing that's happened was our last camp reunion. One of our camp friends who didn't come to the first reunion had this really emo msn name (I always respond to those, don't ask y) so I started talking to him and then I invited him to the camp reunion in hopes that it'd cheer him up. By the end EVERYONE knew that we would end up dating except for one person (lmao scatman..). The next day I asked him out and we've been dating since! I'm so happy!! I haven't liked anyone this much in years, if at all. So I'm really excited for this weekend even though it's going to be really awkward. I'm going on a day trip fishing this Saturday which I thought would just be me and my dad and maybe George, so I invited my BF to come along (my dad said I could though he didn't know we were dating). Well now it's me, my dad, George and my brother which is practically the whole group and my BF. Ontop of that I sent my dad an email at lunch today and I told him we were dating, and he told George, and by the end of the school day I already had 2 or 3 emails making fun of me :( lol (thus the awkwardness). But I haven't seen my BF since the camp reunion (which was nearly a month ago) and I'm so excited to see him like I don't think anyone could possibly understand. This weekend is like all I talk about, I can't wait!!

So yeah I'm a little annoyed now because me and my ex were supposed to meet today so he could tell me whats going on but we didn't and he hasn't been on msn at all and I really wanna know what this has all been about. I think he may even be avoiding me/avoiding telling me. I don't even care how he tells me I just wanna know. arrrrgh. So yeah, that's the drama in my life right now. In other news my New York trip was so much fun tho I didn't end up seeing my arctic friend which sucked. The weekend before that I had a reunion at wonderland with my camp friends which was unbelievably fun to the point that we're having a Fearfest party reunion on October 14th. This week on wednesday I have a doctors appointment so I can figure out what this guy did to my wrist when we were at Wonderland (he pulled me backward and let go and I fell), cuz it's reached the point that I can't write and I have to bring my laptop to school. Thursday I'm supposed to go to installation if the prefects rehearsal (SUPPOSED to lol, like I'd actually go to that), but instead I'm going to see Evanescence with some of my friends and staying over at one of their houses (I know, I don't really like evanescence lol, but it'll be fun anyway). On Friday we're all going to the actual Installation of the Prefects (eew), and then coming back to my house to watch cheep asian movies and play video games. Then I'm off to my grands' for Thanksgiving. Hopefully before then a certain someone will tell me a certain something that's been bugging me!!! (HINT HINT).

Yay!! I'm so happy! lol. I had heard some bad stuff about y my ex broke up with me but turns out he still cares!! (BLISS!!) He wants to talk about what all this was about in person which can't be good but his friend said he still wanted to go out with me, and honestly I'm just happy to know that he cares, even if we're not going out. I'll worry about what he'll say to me in person later, for now I have a trip of fabulosity to the great city of NEW YORK! (never been lol). Bye for now!

TO STALKER AND ALL ELSE WHO CARE..I never knew I could feel so bad, I meen honestly. It's been 3 months and 11 days and my bf broke up with me. And I don't think I've ever liked him more than I do now and this is when it happens. To further things over the time we were dating he became my best friend, and of course I want to tell all my feelings to and get help from my best friend, who in this case caused all this. And I saw it coming too. I noticed things were a bit different since he got back from camp, but I just waved it off as nothing. The last night I saw him before we broke up it was awkward, and I thought it was because of something to do with me, but turns out it was cuz he was trying to make me happy even tho he didn't like me the way I like him so it was all one sided. And I keep coming up with false hopes, like maybe it was cuz he was worried we wouldn't get to see eachother enough, especially in the winter, and I even asked my mom and I'm now aloud to do things on weeknights but from what he told me that's not the case. And I've come up with so many other false hopes too. I just can't seem to comprehend what changed, I keep thinking it would be easier if I could understand. I look back at what we had in the summer and keep thinking if things were like that then how could they be so different now? I just wish we could rewind somehow, and maybe things would go differently. I just don't know who to turn to or what to do anymore.

Once again I am posting for you Sarah. So be happy lol. I am in Ireland right now at my best friend's house and her dad is bugging her but it's kinda funny. I've been here since the 3rd of August, and I come home on the 17th. It's pretty awesome here, I went to Dublin a couple days ago and did a hop on hop off tour and did the tour of the Guiness Storehouse/Brewery, and at the end I drank some of my friend's sisters free pint of Guiness (she had a fake ID with her though she's legal here as of today). I can say with much certainty that Guiness in Ireland tastes way better than Guiness at home, and I keep hearing that it's because it doesn't travel well. Also I get to meet all of my friend's friends, and they're all pretty cool. Only problem is I can't talk to my bf untill the last week of summer and then only by phone. Oh well, lol, there's more to life. Also we were gonna do a tour tommorow but I don't think we will since the weather's supposed to suck so we'll probably just meet up with the guy we met up with today. If only he had msn, lol. He's cool but if he doesn't get msn I can't talk to him when I go back home. That is my news.

I am only posting this because I have had complaints from one of my stalkers AKA sarah that I do not post enough and she therefore cannot stalk me. So I'm posting. I have been at home for a couple weeks now. I went to a bunch of gigs in the first week, one of which is where me and my BF were found out by my mom, and I got dragged to see Panic! At the Disco (who I don't really like but meh, it was a night out). Then people stayed at my house for a while swimming. The next day we had my irish friend's BF over to swim and my moms friends son came later. (All these pool things are very fun. Especially the air fights lol). Then I went to one of my school friend's houses for her b-day party, which was unbelievably awesome, I had so much fun. I stayed the night, was picked up and went to winners where I got a skirt, a tank top, super fluffy sandals and a pair of brown knitted clogs (I <3 tackyness). And now I am sitting at home listening to music from the yahoo site and typing on my livejournal. Such has been the time between Muskoka and now. I realize I skipped alot like the fact that my BF is at his cottage and will be for the rest of the week and then I'm going to Niagara for a couple days (*tear*), ot the "in bed" thing (say in bed after everthing u say), etc, but I'm too lazy to type out all of it (and I didn't actually just type out all of it, theres much more I could say but I'm tired and wanna go to sleep). Goodnight all.

So I am in Muskoka with my Irish friend and watching Family Guy and I don't actually feel like writing a journal right now but I'm really bored and I haven't written one in a while so I will. I got back from the Arctic the Sunday before last, and that trip was UNBELIEVABLE! The people were soooooo much fun, and I now have as Geoff calls it "polar fever". I looove the Arctic, it's so beautiful. When I got home I sat around for two days and managed to not get some much needed rest. On Tuesday night my Irish friend arrived, and both of our boyfriends were there...well, hers was a little late *laughs*, but still. We watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show, laughed at how our boyfriends reacted, and were going to go swimming when my mom dropped her new summer rules on us and everyone had to leave. On Wednesday we went to my brother's unbelievably boring graduation, and on Thursday we went to the mall with our boyfriends, our friend and his ex (or girlfriend??). We left for Muskoka Friday night (even though we were supposed to leave around noon), we've been busy doing watersports every day since, other than today (we were exhausted and spent the whole day sitting around watching TV). There's alot more I want to talk about but I really like this episode of Family Guy so I'm leaving now. BYE!

So I'm leaving for the Arctic the day after tommorow, and I'm sooooooooooooo excited, plus I'm taking a train there and I've never taken one. As sad as it is for me to leave when I am since stuffs going on while I'm gone I'll have fun. It's only 10 days. Although I'm a little more sad to go now that my friend (the one I went to the movies with last weekend) and I know that we like eachother (the timing sucks), but whatever. I'll be back. Anyways, I'm not exactly sure if we're dating *laughs* we seem to be unoficially. Oh well, I'll find out eventually. For the moment I'm fine the way things are. I'll probably ask later tonight though. Well I'm gonna go eat now, I just thought you guys would be interested in that. Bye all!

Yeah, this one is one of those innerself entries, so be prepared, and if you don't wanna hear it, don't read it. I didn't think I'd be back so soon but I'm realizin some stuff. For example I've realized that sometimes I say what I mean but I don't mean what I say, ya know? Like sometimes I say somethin as joke but secretly I mean it. I think I throw some people off with that actually, I get the feeling like I'm too hard to read, like people can't see into what I'm really thinkin or feeling or not feeling, even tho sometimes they think can. I've even had a few people tell me that. I hear it bugs some people. So I'm sorry about that guys, I don't try to hide nething, just I usually end up hiding it anyways. So whenever you're wondering how I feel about some thing/one or anything like that, just ask, cuz chances are I'm not hidin it cuz I want to and I'll give you a straight answer. Just be sure your ready to here what the answer is. So yeah, I'm hoping this will help you people trying to figure me out to..well..figure me out.

So yeah, here I am once again not studyin for an exam that is tommorow!! but seein as how it's only 3 in the afternoon I've got lots of time. So the past week has been OK, of course the night before studying for each exam kinda sucked, but at least I had some ppl who kept talkin to me throughout which kinda kept me from goin nuts with my studyin (and once again u know who u r). So yeah, exams are almost done, I only have one more!! It's latin and it's tommorow. Although I've realized between tommorow and when I leave for the arctic on thursday I'm not gonna have nething to do and will likely be bored to tears.
So yeah, my weekend was pretty good, I actually did stuff for once. I went to see the Da Vinci Code (which I never finished reading but whatever). It was really good but it seems a little odd that Mary Magdalene's burried under the Louvre. But whatevs. So I went with the guy my mom's never met, which is OK cuz she think's I went with some gurl from school, but it's just occured to me today that if my parents meet his before they meet him I'm kinda screwed (cuz I went to his house and if his parents mention that to mine that would...well..suck cuz I'm not allowed to go to a guy's house unless my parents know him). Yeah, so if my mom does find out I'm hopin that she'll either see it from my point of view (her super over protection, ugh! Though I'm not goin to explain that all here, most of you already know of her theories)which is unlikely, or she'll forget about it so she doesn't end up takin away ne of my privaleges (tho there aren't many, lol. Early curfew, can't meet up with guys my parents haven't met inside my house, etc.).
So that was my weekend, now for what's comin. I'm leavin for the Ottawa Thursday cuz that's wehre the headquarters of the organization I'm goin to the Arctic with is. I'm a little sad cuz there's alot of stuff goin on while I'm gone, but I'm still excited to go. On the website the actual link to where I get to update you all from the arctic is http://www.studentsonice.com/arctic2006/html/journal.html, so go there while I'm gone!! After that I'm goin to Lake Muskoka with my Irish friend, and will possibly meet up with the guy I went to the movies with this weekend or one of my camp friends who also has a cottage there. After that comes T.O., shopping and wonderland! Three weeks later I go to Ireland and then I come home for a week or so and lastly I go Teen Classic!! Fanatic Ropes course!!!!!! :D Those are my summer plans and then I'm back to school..but let's not think that far. I'm excited to be done with school. So that's everything I can think of to update you on right now, but if anything comes up I will be back to talk about it, bye bye for now!

Well, I should be studying for tommorow's history exam, and I was I swear, but then I decided to take a break, and then I just haven't gone back to studying yet, but meh, I've got time. Anyways, The school year is almost over and there are no more classes!!!! :) (an obvious plus). I have less thna half days of school because I only have to go for my exams, and my irish friend is coming back to visit soon. Also, I'm leaving for the Arctic on the 15th, though I'm a little apprehensive about that, and since I now know that there's so much going on while I'm gone I kinda don't wanna go, but too late. I'm going, and I'll have fun while I'm there. (By the way, while I'm there on their website: www.studentsonice.com theres gonna be a section for this year's expedition where I can update you all on what I'm up to there, and I'm not sure if you can reply, but if you can please do).
So last night I went to see my friends play at the Opra House!! Apparently they made alot of mistakes in the last song, but no1 noticed so meh. Otherwise they were SOOO GOOOD!!!! And best of all my friend didn't sing, teehee, jks. Although I'm sad I missed seeing my friend's guitar teacher play on Friday, cuz my friend send me one of his songs and it's unbelievably amazing. I love it. But I spent my friday night trying to organize myself a bit for exams, so it wasn't a total waste (though the organization didn't help all that much, but I'm sure it will in the long run, or so people usually say). Anyways, I have to go now because my pizza is burning so I will see you all later. Byes!!

Yes, so, I am back. I shall update you on stuff in my life. yes. So We lost the championships in rugby, but we did extremely well for half our team being made up of noobs (including myself). The end of the year team party was awesome. (oh god there's a Di Vinci Code video game, I'm watching the commercial..NYANGAH). Also, GSA party today, that was awesome!!! But Emma asked me to get facebook, (as have others but I'm tired of being asked) so I broke down and got facebook, yes, I now have facebook (ugh). But meh. So I'm bored, and I have to do this history thing that was due yesterday, and I'm watching South Park. I've also realized that I'm a very lonely person, though I'm not going to blab on and on about that because the few people who actually read this will probably get annoyed. OO, I'm done my art screenprint, it's very pretty, and according to my art teacher the design is "very powerful" (they had to do with propaganda...I took a picture of mine). OOOOO!!!! School's almost over!! Even though that means exams are almost here you have to admit, end of classes is very exciting. Also this friday I'm going to a study part to help me prep for exams (once again, I realize I'm a nerd), and on Saturday I'm going to see my friends play at the Opra House. SCHOOLS ALMOST OVER (I just thought I'd reiterate that), I SURVIVED!!!! kk, bye everyone.

Isn't that a scary thought...wow that'd be depressing. But at least the hokie pokie accepts all of you! (ya know, u put____ in...ok, well, Kells and Gill get it). ANYWAYS, so who is that anonymous poster!!?!?!? It's bugging me so much!!! ARGH! CURSE MY CURIOSITY! And speaking of...my grandma sent me a card for moy birthday, and she says she got me this really great gift and it's something that I'm interested in, so GUESS! aaaarrrggghhh!! The suspense is killing me!! Whatever it is I get it on my cousin's confirmation. So SOMEDAY, I WILL know what this super-gift is! (I WANNA KNOW NOOOWWW!!!!:'( wow, I'm like a little kid...).
So in other news, or more specifically sports news, and even more specific than that, rugby news (yes, you all knew I was getting to that), tommorow is THE CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!! GO ...MY SCHOOL!! (I don't want my livejournal to have a link to my school cuz then ppl who search my school can find it, it happens!!! as in it happened to my friend and we had an assembly on it, teehee). So I get to miss the second half of the school day!! Then some day is the sports banquet (not sure which one but anyone who was on a sports team this season gets to go), and then there's our rugby team pool party at Hannah's!! woot woot! If you take away the fact that all of our assignments have to be in by friday and our teacher's are cramming everything in because this is the last week they're allowed to teach new stuff or test us (and therefor lots of work and stress), this is and awesome week!! Well, I have to go everyone, so I will update another time, possibly next week, bye bye!

----------------Girls----------------------------
------- -----are like apples-------------------
--------on trees. The best ones-----------
------are at the top of the tree.--------
----The boys dont want to reach------
---for the good ones because they ------
-are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
Instead, they just get the rotten apples-
---from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
-something is wrong with them, when in
--reality, they're amazing. They just
---have to wait for the right boy to-------
----- come along, the one who's-----------
----------- brave enough to-----------------
-----------------climb all----------------------
----------------- the way---------------------
-----------------to the top--------------------
----------------of the tree.------------------
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU THINK ARE AMAZING


I love this thingie, makes me feel better about my lack of a love life (I sometimes am one of those girls who think there's something wrong with them, and now that I think about it, this thing fits alot with my third wheel trend (the friend the guy usually ends up with is often easy)). By the way, all my school friends, YOU'RE AMAZING!! (though I'm too lazy to send this to you all, but there it is)

Hey all. I've recently realized that I've slipped back into overly technical pessimist mode, which I've been working all year to get rid of (and I was doing so well):(. The thing is I heard some people think I'm negative, and normally I don't care what others think of me, but seeing as how this is a flaw I have that I want to get rid of, I'd really REALLY apreciate it if instead of you guys just never saying anything or talking behind my back you TELL ME when I'm being negative (seeing as how I don't actually realize I am when I'm doing it). I'm trying my best to change, but I can't do it alone. So don't be afraid to tell me if I'm bugging you because chances are I don't realize I am (unless I'm trying to bug you, teehee).

Well, thankfully I SURVIVED!! Also, I managed to not get injured!(though I came close). I now understand why this team is so feared though, this was the DIRTIEST rugby game I've ever seen/played in. Their tactic wasn't anything annoying like only mauling or trailing forwards, their tactic was to play as dirty as possible and pick off as many of our players as possible as long as they didn't get disqualified. Within the first five minutes my friend Linds had a bunch of the larger girls land on her in a ruck and screwed up her sternum. Next Soph was picked up and thrown to the ground (very dirty tackle) and a chunk of the skin on her chin is now missing. They did high tackles throughout the game(when you catch someone around the neck while they're running)(also the ref sucked and called lots of petty things for penalties but didn't call any of the dirty moves that are HIGHLY ILLEGAL), but they took out Page with a high tackle. (That almost happened to me, I felt a girl's arm around my neck but I was too low for her to get a good grip and actually hurt me), and last they took out our scrum-half by hitting her in the face and nearly breaking her nose. I hate this team and that ref, but at least WE WON!!! They scored no tries, and we scored either 3 or four. IN YOUR FACE PICKERING COLLEGE!